The Girl I Want to Push

Good news, people in my computer! I passed the CELTA course! I learned a lot, but it’s going to take a while for me to recover from it.

About a week ago, I noticed a mysterious folder on my desktop labeled Mooo. When I looked inside I found a bunch of things I had written a few years ago when I was still living on campus at my university. Since the writing department of my brain is currently out of commission , here is a bit of wisdom from a 23-year-old hedgehog.

***

There’s this girl that I always see on campus. I think she lives in the same area that I do, because I always see her when I’m walking to or from my apartment. I don’t know her name. I’ve never spoken to her. I don’t think we’ve ever made eye contact.

But I really want to push her.

She dresses very well. Every time I see her, she’s always wearing spiffy clothes and high heels that make it sound like she’s being followed by a horse. She never carries a backpack. Instead, I think she puts all of her things for school in a really big, expensive looking purse. Her hair is always done and her nails are immaculate.

There’s nothing wrong with this. Plenty of people, not just women, are very concerned with their appearance and always try to look their best when they go out in public. Some of them even pull it off. That isn’t what bothers me about her.

What bothers me is her face.

It’s a normal looking face, I suppose. All of the parts seem to be in the right place and it’s more or less symmetrical. There is nothing aesthetically wrong with it. What gets to me is that, in all of the times I’ve seen her in the past year, she always looks upset. She never looks happy or tranquil or pensive and I’ve never seen her with headphones on. No, she always looks like something is bothering her.

To me, this seems counterproductive. What’s the point in dressing so flashy if you’re going to act so hostile? Do you want people to approach you or not? From what I’ve seen, people who normally dress like this want attention, so they try to appear friendly and easygoing. That’s not the case with this girl.

Another thing: I suspect that she doesn’t know how to walk in heels. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this. I personally hate walking in heels and whenever I wear them, I have this fear of slipping and falling to my death or breaking an ankle. In short, heels suck. In the past two semesters, I’ve never seen this girl not wearing heels. And not just any heels. Stilettos.

For those of you who don’t know, stilettos are really hard to walk in because the heel is so pointy. There’s practically nothing to help you balance. This girl, apparently, does not have good balance. When she walks, she wobbles from side to side and, from her posture, it looks like she’s struggling to stay upright. Sometimes she looks downright terrified that she’s going to fall.

I could be wrong, though. She might just think that swaying her hips is sexy. Do men find that attractive? I can understand that, but I think she’s doing it wrong. More than anything, it just looks like she’s trying not to fall over. Is she trying to appeal to people with a fetish for not falling down and being upset about it?

All of this seems wrong to me, somehow. Seeing her makes me feel uneasy, as if she’s a very well-dressed void ship.

Crap.

Crap.

Image via The Doctor Who Site

Why is she so upset all the time? If heels make her uncomfortable, why does she insist on wearing them? Is she real?

All of these questions, especially the last one, make me want to push her over and scream, “What’s wrong with your face?!” I feel like it’s the right thing to do. Maybe I’m supposed to help her somehow. Maybe if I push her it’ll help her get over her fear of falling and she can move on with her life. Why else would I have this strong desire to knock her over?

 

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